Post by Big Boss, Lord of Light on Dec 17, 2006 18:20:36 GMT -5
This has absolutly nothing to do with Resident Evil...In fact it is meant to be a comedy...me and a friend of mine, who goes by the user name Trip, created all of these characters and placed them into the storylines. Enjoy.
Prepare for Crash Landing
DAVE: "I'm going to call Vic to see if he has any beer!"
LISA: "Okay."
*RING* *RING*
DAVE: "Hi, Vic. Just wanted to know if you had any beer I could pick up."
VIC: "I wish I had some, but the store was all out."
DAVE: "WHAT!?"
VIC: "I think it was your archnemesis--THATOTHERGUY--who bought it all before I got there."
DAVE: "Okay, I'm on it."
VIC: "Wait, couldn't you just go to another store just up the road--" *CLICK*
DAVE: "Quickly, Lisa, to the Automobile!"
SCENE CHANGE
LISA: "We REALLY need to replace the '86 Volvo with something a little more respectable. And preferably, something that works."
DAVE: "Hey, it made it 3/10 of a mile today. It hasn't gone that far in over three years."
LISA: "That may be, but I don't think many superheroes take THE BUS."
DAVE: "What, would you rather take a taxi?"
SCENE CHANGE
DAVE: "I can't believe we took a taxi."
DRIVER: "I heard that! Triple fare for you!"
DAVE: "Ugh..."
SCENE CHANGE
DAVE: "That has to have been the most expensive across-town taxi tide ever, but we finally made it to the store."
LISA: "Well, you COULD have put the $3000 into a new car, but..."
DAVE: "Wait... is that THATOTHERGUY over there?"
LISA: "No... wait. Where are your glasses?"
DAVE: "I'm wearing my contacts today."
LISA: "But you don't have contacts. I have contacts."
DAVE: "Uh-oh."
SCENE CHANGE
DAVE: "These bus fares just get higher and higher."
*INSERTS $20, RECEIVES A NICKEL BACK*
DAVE: "But at least the optometrist did manage to get your contacts out."
LISA: "I'm going to run in the house and get your glasses. Then we'll get back to the store."
SCENE CHANGE
DAVE: "I'm never taking a taxi again."
LISA: "You know fares are getting high when you have to take out a second mortgage to pay the fare."
DAVE: "We should pick up the trail at the beer display inside the store."
SCENE CHANGE
VOICE: "Clean-up in aisles 5 through 31."
DAVE: "Hey, look, I thought I saw THATOTHERGUY. Had I know it was actually a 6-year old midget-league baseball player on steroids..."
LISA: "Whatever. Here's the beer display... Wow. Completely empty. THATOTHERGUY must be responsible!"
DAVE: "He must be at his secret hideout."
SCENE CHANGE
LISA: "Dave, get a new car. I never want to see the inside of a bus again."
DAVE: "Look, I didn't know so many people were going to the sick babies convention this weekend."
*LISA INSERTS $50, RECEIVES 75 CENTS BACK*
LISA: "Wait a minute... why are we at Big Lots?"
DAVE: "Why? Because no one in their right mind would go in there! It's the perfect hideout!"
SCENE CHANGE
DAVE: "For a place they call 'Big Lots,' it sure is cramped in here."
LISA: "And I thought Sam's Club was bad."
DAVE: "Do they really need five aisles of medicated tissues?"
LISA: "Hey, Dave, look at the low prices here! 20 Snickers for a nickel!"
DAVE: "No! It's a trick!"
*FLOOR OPENS BENEATH THEM*
BOTH: "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH..."
SCENE CHANGE
BOTH: "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH..."
*STILL FALLING*
DAVE: "This sure is a long drop."
LISA: "Yeah, we've been falling for like 25 minutes."
DAVE: "I guess we know where to go when there's a nuclear strike."
LISA: "Should we start screaming again soon?"
DAVE: "Probably."
BOTH: "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH..."
SCENE CHANGE
DAVE: "Wake up, Lisa. We've been incarcerated."
LISA: "Hmm. Interesting cell. Instead of metal bars or concrete, today we have metal mesh. Quite original."
DAVE: "I thought so too."
LISA: "Wait, do most jail cells have wrestling trophies and computers in them?"
DAVE: "Hmm... No, most don't. This must not be the work of THATOTHERGUY then."
BRAD: "That's right! I, THE ADMINISTRATOR, have caught you in my filter!" *cackles*
LISA: "Wait a second... THE ADMINISTRATOR?"
BRAD: "What? Anything is better than Brad. Plus, system administrator is my dayjob."
DAVE: "Okay, then, Brad--"
BRAD: "Brad is God! Therefore, you shall address me as THE ADMINISTRATOR or YOUR EXCELLENCY AT HACKING."
LISA: "It doesn't matter. You won't get away with this!"
BRAD: "Just watch me!" *cackles again*
LISA: "Ooh, did mean to make him leave."
SCENE CHANGE
DAVE: "Blast! A T3 internet connection and the only sites that aren't blocked are the Far Cry website and Weather.Com! Oh, wait, Weather.Com was just blocked."
BRAD: "I see you enjoy my little web filter."
DAVE: "You! This is equivalent to torture!"
BRAD: "Do I look like I care?"
LISA: "You monster!"
BRAD: "Thank you. And now, I'm off to my dayjob. See ya!"
SCENE CHANGE
DAVE: "I don't know what's worse: the filter, or Windows ME crashing every 10 minutes."
LISA: "This computer has Windows 2000, but I think he's got it rigged to crash on purpose. Then it takes 20 minutes to boot back up."
DAVE: "I wish he had XP or Linux on these..."
LISA: "Wait a second... he left our jail cell door open!"
DAVE: "I don't know which is more pathetic: the fact that he did that or that it took us 18 hours to notice."
SCENE CHANGE
DAVE: "Boy, he sure does have a lot of security guards."
LISA: "It's a good thing you know martial arts."
DAVE: "No I don't. Where did you get that idea from?"
LISA: "I thought you were taking that class."
DAVE: "That's beginning woodworking!"
LISA: "Even better! You could make and throw dressers and chairs."
SCENE CHANGE
DAVE: "You know Lisa, it would be a lot easier to make a chair if I had some wood."
LISA: "Whatever, Dave. Hey, all the guards are running away. Wonder where they're going."
DAVE: "Must be some big emergency."
GUARD: "LAST ONE TO LUNCH IS A PUNCHING BAG!"
DAVE: "As I said, big emergency."
SCENE CHANGE
LISA: "Look! The emergency exit is unguarded! Let's escape."
DAVE: "Just a second, I'm splintering up this chair..."
LISA: "Leave the chair. Let's go."
DAVE: "Wait... how come we fell for an hour just to wind up back on the top floor? This is the back of Big Lots!"
LISA: "Well, whatever it was, I have the feeling that we haven't heard the end of THE ADMINISTRATOR..."
TO BE CONT--
LISA: "Wait, there he is!"
DAVE: "Quick! Brad's running away! Let's follow on foot!"
*PICKS UP A NEARBY SCOOTER*
DAVE: "Hop on."
LISA: "I... I can't."
DAVE: *SIGH* "Look, I know you're still affected by the scooter accident that wiped out your whole family, but I still say 23 people cannot pile on a scooter, cross the road, and live to tell about it."
LISA: "You're right. It's time to move on."
DAVE: "Glad to hear. Now, across the road to follow Brad!"
SCENE CHANGE
DAVE: "Well, he got in his Dodge Hemi and put it in Four-Wheel Drive before we could catch him."
LISA: "Four-Wheel Drive? Downhill?"
DAVE: "Yes. I think we'll see him again. But until next time..."
DAVE: "I'M NORMAL GUY, DEFENDER OF NACHOS AND THOSE COLLAPSABLE CHAIRS I LIKE!"
LISA: "AND I'M THAT-CHICK-WHO'S-NORMAL-GUY'S-WIFE, DEFENDER OF KITTENS AND THE RIAA'S ANTI-RIAA DIVISION. Dave, do we have to do this?"
DAVE: "YES! MOVE 'ZIG.' FOR GREAT JUSTICE!"
Prepare for Crash Landing
DAVE: "I'm going to call Vic to see if he has any beer!"
LISA: "Okay."
*RING* *RING*
DAVE: "Hi, Vic. Just wanted to know if you had any beer I could pick up."
VIC: "I wish I had some, but the store was all out."
DAVE: "WHAT!?"
VIC: "I think it was your archnemesis--THATOTHERGUY--who bought it all before I got there."
DAVE: "Okay, I'm on it."
VIC: "Wait, couldn't you just go to another store just up the road--" *CLICK*
DAVE: "Quickly, Lisa, to the Automobile!"
SCENE CHANGE
LISA: "We REALLY need to replace the '86 Volvo with something a little more respectable. And preferably, something that works."
DAVE: "Hey, it made it 3/10 of a mile today. It hasn't gone that far in over three years."
LISA: "That may be, but I don't think many superheroes take THE BUS."
DAVE: "What, would you rather take a taxi?"
SCENE CHANGE
DAVE: "I can't believe we took a taxi."
DRIVER: "I heard that! Triple fare for you!"
DAVE: "Ugh..."
SCENE CHANGE
DAVE: "That has to have been the most expensive across-town taxi tide ever, but we finally made it to the store."
LISA: "Well, you COULD have put the $3000 into a new car, but..."
DAVE: "Wait... is that THATOTHERGUY over there?"
LISA: "No... wait. Where are your glasses?"
DAVE: "I'm wearing my contacts today."
LISA: "But you don't have contacts. I have contacts."
DAVE: "Uh-oh."
SCENE CHANGE
DAVE: "These bus fares just get higher and higher."
*INSERTS $20, RECEIVES A NICKEL BACK*
DAVE: "But at least the optometrist did manage to get your contacts out."
LISA: "I'm going to run in the house and get your glasses. Then we'll get back to the store."
SCENE CHANGE
DAVE: "I'm never taking a taxi again."
LISA: "You know fares are getting high when you have to take out a second mortgage to pay the fare."
DAVE: "We should pick up the trail at the beer display inside the store."
SCENE CHANGE
VOICE: "Clean-up in aisles 5 through 31."
DAVE: "Hey, look, I thought I saw THATOTHERGUY. Had I know it was actually a 6-year old midget-league baseball player on steroids..."
LISA: "Whatever. Here's the beer display... Wow. Completely empty. THATOTHERGUY must be responsible!"
DAVE: "He must be at his secret hideout."
SCENE CHANGE
LISA: "Dave, get a new car. I never want to see the inside of a bus again."
DAVE: "Look, I didn't know so many people were going to the sick babies convention this weekend."
*LISA INSERTS $50, RECEIVES 75 CENTS BACK*
LISA: "Wait a minute... why are we at Big Lots?"
DAVE: "Why? Because no one in their right mind would go in there! It's the perfect hideout!"
SCENE CHANGE
DAVE: "For a place they call 'Big Lots,' it sure is cramped in here."
LISA: "And I thought Sam's Club was bad."
DAVE: "Do they really need five aisles of medicated tissues?"
LISA: "Hey, Dave, look at the low prices here! 20 Snickers for a nickel!"
DAVE: "No! It's a trick!"
*FLOOR OPENS BENEATH THEM*
BOTH: "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH..."
SCENE CHANGE
BOTH: "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH..."
*STILL FALLING*
DAVE: "This sure is a long drop."
LISA: "Yeah, we've been falling for like 25 minutes."
DAVE: "I guess we know where to go when there's a nuclear strike."
LISA: "Should we start screaming again soon?"
DAVE: "Probably."
BOTH: "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH..."
SCENE CHANGE
DAVE: "Wake up, Lisa. We've been incarcerated."
LISA: "Hmm. Interesting cell. Instead of metal bars or concrete, today we have metal mesh. Quite original."
DAVE: "I thought so too."
LISA: "Wait, do most jail cells have wrestling trophies and computers in them?"
DAVE: "Hmm... No, most don't. This must not be the work of THATOTHERGUY then."
BRAD: "That's right! I, THE ADMINISTRATOR, have caught you in my filter!" *cackles*
LISA: "Wait a second... THE ADMINISTRATOR?"
BRAD: "What? Anything is better than Brad. Plus, system administrator is my dayjob."
DAVE: "Okay, then, Brad--"
BRAD: "Brad is God! Therefore, you shall address me as THE ADMINISTRATOR or YOUR EXCELLENCY AT HACKING."
LISA: "It doesn't matter. You won't get away with this!"
BRAD: "Just watch me!" *cackles again*
LISA: "Ooh, did mean to make him leave."
SCENE CHANGE
DAVE: "Blast! A T3 internet connection and the only sites that aren't blocked are the Far Cry website and Weather.Com! Oh, wait, Weather.Com was just blocked."
BRAD: "I see you enjoy my little web filter."
DAVE: "You! This is equivalent to torture!"
BRAD: "Do I look like I care?"
LISA: "You monster!"
BRAD: "Thank you. And now, I'm off to my dayjob. See ya!"
SCENE CHANGE
DAVE: "I don't know what's worse: the filter, or Windows ME crashing every 10 minutes."
LISA: "This computer has Windows 2000, but I think he's got it rigged to crash on purpose. Then it takes 20 minutes to boot back up."
DAVE: "I wish he had XP or Linux on these..."
LISA: "Wait a second... he left our jail cell door open!"
DAVE: "I don't know which is more pathetic: the fact that he did that or that it took us 18 hours to notice."
SCENE CHANGE
DAVE: "Boy, he sure does have a lot of security guards."
LISA: "It's a good thing you know martial arts."
DAVE: "No I don't. Where did you get that idea from?"
LISA: "I thought you were taking that class."
DAVE: "That's beginning woodworking!"
LISA: "Even better! You could make and throw dressers and chairs."
SCENE CHANGE
DAVE: "You know Lisa, it would be a lot easier to make a chair if I had some wood."
LISA: "Whatever, Dave. Hey, all the guards are running away. Wonder where they're going."
DAVE: "Must be some big emergency."
GUARD: "LAST ONE TO LUNCH IS A PUNCHING BAG!"
DAVE: "As I said, big emergency."
SCENE CHANGE
LISA: "Look! The emergency exit is unguarded! Let's escape."
DAVE: "Just a second, I'm splintering up this chair..."
LISA: "Leave the chair. Let's go."
DAVE: "Wait... how come we fell for an hour just to wind up back on the top floor? This is the back of Big Lots!"
LISA: "Well, whatever it was, I have the feeling that we haven't heard the end of THE ADMINISTRATOR..."
TO BE CONT--
LISA: "Wait, there he is!"
DAVE: "Quick! Brad's running away! Let's follow on foot!"
*PICKS UP A NEARBY SCOOTER*
DAVE: "Hop on."
LISA: "I... I can't."
DAVE: *SIGH* "Look, I know you're still affected by the scooter accident that wiped out your whole family, but I still say 23 people cannot pile on a scooter, cross the road, and live to tell about it."
LISA: "You're right. It's time to move on."
DAVE: "Glad to hear. Now, across the road to follow Brad!"
SCENE CHANGE
DAVE: "Well, he got in his Dodge Hemi and put it in Four-Wheel Drive before we could catch him."
LISA: "Four-Wheel Drive? Downhill?"
DAVE: "Yes. I think we'll see him again. But until next time..."
DAVE: "I'M NORMAL GUY, DEFENDER OF NACHOS AND THOSE COLLAPSABLE CHAIRS I LIKE!"
LISA: "AND I'M THAT-CHICK-WHO'S-NORMAL-GUY'S-WIFE, DEFENDER OF KITTENS AND THE RIAA'S ANTI-RIAA DIVISION. Dave, do we have to do this?"
DAVE: "YES! MOVE 'ZIG.' FOR GREAT JUSTICE!"
